Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Welfare from the State - a puzzle

It has been said on many men's blogs that the welfare state is a result of feminism, or that women are allowed to cut men out of their lives because of the fact that state is now their husband. The picture painted seems bleak for men - their value declines as everything a man once stood for - protection, safety, survival - is now automated. And thus feminism spreads, and thus game was invented, and so on.

What I haven't seen from these blogs is a detailed prediction of what will happen, or how to change it. Not that I could offer much of an analysis myself - the common predictions of "Westerners will be outbred" or "America will collapse, bringing back equality" seem as involved as I myself could go.

It's something I want all of these bloggers to think on, and pool their minds together. I might even take a stab. Some questions I want answered:

1. Short term, will the pendulum swing the other way? What sort of backlash is happening now, and what will happen in the near future?
2. What will defeat hypergamy? When will it happen?
3. Where is the new balance? What would be a totally fair, equal playing field in today's Western society?

A sample of my PU routine

This sample is not meant to be an example of successful PU artistry. It's just a log of what I did. Perhaps what I did wrong is obvious, maybe not.

I was at the car dealership having my car worked on. M. (about a 7) was there for the same reason. I started a conversation since we had the same make and model. I noticed a few IOI's - hair touching, smiles, good eye contact.

After I signed in with the clerk, I was able to restart the conversation over a weather advisory on the TV. We exchanged names, found out we had similar jobs. Good eye contact, face to face, no turning away. Since we were standing, I led her to sit in another location, more secluded.

When our shuttle came, I asked for her number and was rebuffed, her eyes finally looking down. I'm guessing that was an ASD?

In the shuttle, she resumed conversation spontaneously. The driver and the two of us all talked over how much we liked our fair city. I gave my number to the driver (like I was supposed to) and kino'd the girl's shoulder; we shook hands goodbye. I can spot my own problem; I didn't give her the chance for another chance meetup, unless you count the dealership this afternoon, if we arrive at the same time. Doubtful.

I felt good about the fact I didn't feel bad about "rejection" (which I now know is just a shit test). I have options. Like they say, GFTOW. No more pining, no more sniveling. Go after what you like, if things don't work out, find another. People may make fun of someone who does it so baldly and plainly that they are obviously trolling for sex, but that doesn't change the fact that it is exactly what is going on today, whether you see it or not, and it's the best way to do it.

Maybe I'll give her a bit of an ego boost, but I doubt anything will come of it. Next!

EDIT: I think there just wasn't enough time to create rapport and comfort first - or I wasn't efficient enough in doing so. Something to work on.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Who am I

Ok, specifically, who am I and what am I like. Am I an alpha, a beta, white, black? How do I feel about women, about sex?

First thing you might notice is that I am tall, over 6 feet. I've used this to my advantage my whole life. Second off, I am overweight. But I feel that I am strong and confident enough to downplay it. I have a bit of alpha and a bit of beta in me. The beta in me comes from having a social network completely based on my former social life. Changes I have made will take years to reverberate through my life - that's just the way it is. I've inherited a little bit of charm from my Dad. I actively avoided it for years, saying, "I will never be like Dad!" when my opinion of him was poisoned after the divorce. If I wasn't so afraid of being him, I would have had a better time of things. My lifelong self-label of rebel was truly beta - I struggled against The Man because I struggled against my nature. With acceptance does not come defeat; but rather, an understanding of how to play the game in the first place.

This means that I could have been a natural. This also means that I have a pretty good time impressing women, but my close is horrible. I get interest without even trying, hit the comfort zone, then, due to my programming, stay on the comfort kick until I became a trustworthy confidant. What I lacked was the push to my pull, the neg to my comfort.

I was needy. I didn't drop hints, I dropped lead weights. I spoke too plainly about sex and too fast, like I was some sort of creepy gynecologist. All of that is being stifled and shoved into a box. It's not who I really am, just like being an alpha is not who I really am. We mold ourselves every day into what we want. These are tools.

I've been told I'm good looking. I have a hard time understanding why. My Hot or Not pictures are all over 9.0, even as I approach 40. Or maybe because I approach 40? Or that I make good money? Or maybe I'm just handsome and don't know it. I don't like my beer gut. But apparently it matters a lot less than if I were a woman.

I wear glasses and have a goatee. I've sometimes been compared to Adam from Mythbusters. I keep my hair pretty darn short, though. I groom myself to metrosexual perfection. I still have a full, thick head of hair, and probably will for a long time. Yes, I am white. Pale and freckly, even, though this really isn't as much of a problem as the media makes you think.

I dress conservatively sharp. I often wear my business casual out on the town, precluding the need to go and change clothes after work. It fits my style.

I'm just now learning that commanding body language is not just for the boardroom. It is for everyone, everywhere. You can't put on a facade; this is what you have to be, all the time. So far, so good.


My uncle passed away last night. He was my last uncle. Now all that's left of that generation is my Dad, and stepdad.

My relationship with my uncle was always somewhat envious. He was a charmer. He taught his sons how to be charming. Well, I don't know if he ever actually taught them, but they picked it up nonetheless. They are married now, I am not. My Dad divorced my Mom when I was 13. Seeing him on weekends did not teach me enough. I was ensconced in female points of view from then on. I became nice to women, but not charming. I had female friends, but not girlfriends. There might be some men who say that I dodged a bullet by never getting married. And yet, It came at a high price - being the kind of person that a woman wouldn't want to marry. There's a lot of damage yet to be undone.

My uncle was overweight, an ex-alcoholic, and had a huge birthmark on the side of his face. Charm matters more than looks in men, I suppose. There are times I wonder: how did he marry my Aunt? But that's the wimp in me talking. He had three kids, and as far as I know, led an okay life (minus the addictions).

Let's hope heaven has lots of Budweiser.

Monday, April 25, 2011


S. (names changed to protect the innocent) was a girl I had gone on a few dates with over in Nashville. Nashville is an hour and half drive for me, so things really had to go places for me to continue. I make good money, but gas prices still do hurt.

After 4 dates, she called it off. Fair enough. Then she texts me wanting to be friends. That seems simple enough.

However, my situation is not so simple. I have TONS of male and female friends, right here in my own city. I go out, I have fun, I meet new people all the time. To be her friend, the way she wants it, is to clog up my text inbox, and occasionally wait for me to drive up to Nashville to see her. Maybe it could be coupled with visits to see my family up there? To me, "friend" is like "love", much too broad of a word and easily misinterpreted. At this point, I feel like when I don't make plans in the next month to visit Nashville and have drinks, I feel like she is going to complain.

I was perfectly willing to move on. Next! She wants to flirt and have fun but not have too many benefits. To me, it seems like I am doing a disservice to myself for lingering any longer. Is she a nice person just to hang out with with no chance of a relationship or sex? Yes, but I'm not going to drive to Nashville for that sort of emasculating sisterhood that I can get right here in my own city. It's this sort of harmless existence that doesn't get me laid that I am trying to avoid, like the plague.

Side note: the reason I post here is because in trying to explain this on my regular blog, I got blasted out by a male, married friend. Don't be that guy! Don't be the lout every woman complains about! Well, I've always been an upstanding guy: but at the same time I must must MUST excise the pushover-ness that has come with it. There are plenty of examples of men who are not cads, but take control of their lives and attract women. I am striving to be like that. Obviously, the secret is to not let people on to the churning engine going on underneath the hood. Hell, for a man's relationship blog, I shouldn't even be posting a wussy post like this. But maybe I can look back on this in time and realize how far I have come.

More about me

Who am I? Well, I used to be a "beta", in pick up artist (PUA) language. I still am. I think I may always be, since according to many PUAs, alpha is a specialty to the absolute dedication to game. It's not that, for example, modern morality gets in the way of being a man, but that all the things the PUAs think a guy should do to be alpha combines into a very amoral and misogynistic view. So, like most well-adjusted people, I do to Game what I do to my dim, flickering, but persistent Christian faith - take what is useful, leave the rest.

"Inner game" I can keep. It is confidence. It is training the mind to be that which women are attracted to. It is nothing more than psychologically peacocking, to go along with the physical peacocking that men just do. It's no more immoral that the nice clothes I wear when I go out.

Many of the moves PUA's teach are not, in essence, manipulative, insofar as the man is using as a tool, and inherent misrepresentation is not on the docket. The problem is, so many of the PUA's tools do misrepresent. But doesn't peacocking, as well? If a dark, vertical striped shirt hides your fat, how is that different from using "negs" to hide your neediness?

Looks like I am dropping lots of PUA lingo already. I'm not here to educate you on game. Go Google a glossary or something.

All I can say right now is that it is a slippery slope from justifying individual PUA techniques to being a complete misogynist, or even becoming outright sociopathic, since game also involves marginalizing competing men going after the same woman. All I have to do is figure out exactly how much sociopathy I am willing to put up with in myself.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Who I am and what I am going to do

I have started this anonymous blog to talk openly and frankly about my life. Since the details are going to be so raw and unfiltered, names will be changed to protect my own ass.

For the most part, the blog will be about the things my elsewhere online presence cannot talk about. Right now that thing is sex. Or rather, how I'm just not happy with where I am. I'm 38 years old, have had good relationships and casual sex both, but feel that I eventually need to settle down and have kids. Most of my issues can be summed up from many of the pickup artists blogs out there: I was a "beta", and I want to be more desirable to the opposite sex. However, I'm by no means a complete cad, like many of the blogs' authors out there. But even so, mere mentions of casual sex on my old, connected blog sends howling screamers into my comment section, and affects my social circle. People talk about how casual sex in theory is alright, but when it makes its face shown explicitly in their life, they flip out.

So here I am, talking about my problems, and giving my opinion anonymously, annoyingly, without recourse.