Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Compare and contrast: television

429 scripts, and which ones became pilots for the new season: http://nymag.com/arts/tv/upfronts/2011/pilots-2011-5/

The article shows one liner synopses of all the shows pitched to networks, and what got picked up for the new season. Some winners:

Untitled Tim Allen Project Guy’s guy in female-dominated world.

Man Up Guy fights for manhood in a world of women.

Lost and Found NYC party girl’s 18-year-old son turns up. 

Work It Out-of-work car salesmen dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps. 

Pan Am Glamorous sixties pilots and stews. 

Council of Dads Dying man enlists five friends to advise his kids. 

And so on. Yes, there are women-centered pilots as well, but it seems like the open way they are addressing men's issues may be reflective of the times. Perhaps they sense the rising discontent.  I'd like to see at least one of these shows (the first two seem best) succeed. I feel as if the time is right for one of them to succeed wildly, to not just have a Man Show, irreverent and undermining, but rather to take everything the old show celebrated and be just a tad serious about it. Just a bit.

Friday, May 13, 2011

I was once falsely accused of rape

Many critics of the MRM say that activists are bitter and vengeful, the same way that men say that feminists are bitter and vengeful. They may both be right. Whether the bitterness is properly directed is the key - is it directed at the cause of their problems, or at a convenient scapegoat? (To say nothing of the righteousness of said bitterness.)

So, upon reflection, I do not surprise myself when I am interested in men's rights, yet have had been falsely accused of rape in the past, and generally been unlucky with women as well. It has all occurred, it seems to me, under the auspice of control, and my newfound power and happiness comes from freedom.

Back in college, a woman came onto me, quickly escalating an encounter from meeting to sex within a week. Seeing as how I only lost my virginity at 21 (perhaps half a year earlier?) I was ecstatic. I didn't know if the sex was quality (turns out it was alright, compared to what I have experienced since), but I didn't care.

One night, we had drunk a few wine coolers and were on track to do the exact same thing we had done the last two times - make out, strip, fuck. That was when she started acting weird. She'd coo pillow talk into my ears, promises of pleasure, then back away and say she wasn't up to it. Alright, I say, no prob at all. I was used to not getting any. We'd watch TV or something. Then she'd start again. We went back to the bedroom. She stopped before I got her panties off. She said she just didn't want to do it. Well, um, ok. Let's get dressed and go get something to eat. She didn't want to do that either. She started again, and the final time, she had to push me off of her. Not violently, but it wasn't a gentle hand on my forearm. She had to stop being the mysterious, genteel flower and be real. She said no, and she raised her voice a little. I stopped, seeing that she was completely out of the mood. I asked her to leave; I was frustrated and wanted to go do something else. I never raised my voice. She got mad. "You're just going to throw me out, aren't you?" She stormed out and went straight to campus police, saying I raped her.

I tend to side with conservatives in the recent Slut Walk argument. Women who dress skimpily endanger themselves, and it's not because men need to be trained. It's because we are not in a police state. Protect yourself on a personal level. No one else can do it for you all the time. I'm not one to say that they can't dress like a slut if you like. But you have to reap what you sow. And yet, even as the line over the battle of the sexes is clearly drawn, do I see that what I did was nowhere near the current battle lines. It just wasn't rape. It wasn't even sexual assault.

However, I would like to stress the severity with which this devastated me. I was a hapless beta, or even an omega, living with a single mother since 13, never told that is was okay to be a sexual being. I hated myself, got precious little sex, and was a total mangina for years and years. I was controlled by women, and therefore no quality woman would want me.

Does this mean that uncontrolled libido is okay? No. What I did was a small mistake, nowhere near a crime. I haplessly misread a woman's desires and intentions, after a sexual relationship was already established. But the hair-trigger of rape accusations has men unwilling and unable to stop injustice. Is the task of stopping all rape everywhere worth the destruction of innocent men's lives? Innocent men's careers are ruined, jobs lost, jail time is served. Yes, rape is decreased. But at what cost?

Here's the remainder of the story. The campus police came to talk to me, saying that they could talk the two of us into intra-university arbitration. They didn't want to go to the police for several reasons. Foremost, it's all he said/she said - no real justice would be accomplished. Second, they didn't want the hurt the college's reputation. I'd like to think they also knew that criminal allegations destroyed lives, and they were trying to protect me. If so, I feel honored.

We ended up hammering out a deal that sent me to on-campus counseling, provided no charges were filed. I do remember stating that the agreement I signed must have an explicit statement saying that this agreement is not an admission of guilt. (I felt smart for thinking of that one.) I went to the milquetoast male counselor, cried once as we talked about my lack of success with women, and in the end did not too much of consequence. I think the counselor was looking for signs of empathy (or lack of), and wanted to make sure I wasn't some sort of psycho solipsist.

I also talked to a panel of my fraternity brothers and sisters of the sorority she was pledging. I told my side of the story, and was told by the sorority that she was most likely "fishing", and that they knew about it well. Fishing for what, I don't know. Attention? Money? She ended up dropping out of her pledge class. I even heard she later left school.

Months later, I was in a parking lot with friends, and she saw me from a few rows away, and shouted at me, calling me a rapist, and hoping I burned in hell. This happened again at the department store where I worked. I left the sales floor to get away. I also heard second hand that she actually went to the real police a few months later, but wasn't taken seriously.

It seems like an overwhelming majority of people stood up for me. Thank you all! Some might call it "the patriarchal system", but I can definitely say I didn't get away with anything. If anything, her false accusations could be seen as criminal. However, the hassle of doing something about that quickly became evident. I would say that, no matter the bias, the fact that so many people sided with me shows me that the accusation was wrong.

Even as my head and heart knew I was in the clear, I still carried the weight of being bad, because I was a man. I was completely victimized in the scenario, not only by the accuser, but also by the women in my life that created an environment that did not include men, and even actively denigrated men. I didn't know about dating, rape, the legal world, or even just women in general, except what women told me, which as we know can be misleading. I was a blank canvas that was painted with dark colors.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Domestic abuse victimization: men or women?

The big link that is making the rounds is this page, which has case after case of greater female violence:

Analyzing responses to the Conflict Tactic Scale and using a data set somewhat different from the previous 2000 publication, the author reports that women are more likely than men to throw something at their partners, as well as slap, kick, bite, punch and hit with an object.  Men were more likely than women to strangle, choke, or beat up their partners.

A review article which suggests that "women's empowerment is associated with lower victimization rates from their partners."  Greater individualism and empowerment by women, however, are also associated with higher perpetration rates. 

Twenty three dating couples completed the Conflict Tactics scale.  Results indicate that women were significantly more likely than their male partners to express physical violence. (UK)

Used Conflict Tactics Scale with a sample of 270 undergraduates <95 men, 175 women> and found 30% of men and 49% of women reported using some form of  aggression in their dating histories with a greater percentage of women engaging in severe physical aggression.

A modified version of Conflict Tactics Scale was administered on two occasions, 6 months apart, to 526 adolescents, <280 girls, 246 boys> whose median age was 13.  Results reveal that 28% of girls reported perpetrating violence with their partners <17% moderate, 11% severe> on occasion one, while 42% of girls reported perpetrating violence <25% moderate, 17% severe> on occasion two.  For boys, 11% reported perpetrating violence <6% moderate, 5% severe> on occasion one, while 21% reported perpetrating violence <6% moderate, 15% severe> on occasion two.  In terms of victimization, 33% of girls, and 38% of boys reported being victims of partner aggression on occasion one and 47% of girls and 49% of boys reported victimization on occasion two.

...and that's just the A's of the bibliography. Astounding.

I came across all this outside of the manosphere in Yahoo Answers (by way of a Google search). There are offended females, of course, dropping links of their own.

The first link says: 85% of domestic violence victims are women. The rest of the stats on this and almost all the other pages are non-objective, saying things like 1.3 million women are victims of assault each year. Sentences like these do not address the ratio we are discussing. The second link says 95% of all domestic abuse is to women.

So what's going on here? Studies are showing that women may become more violent within relationships, but are more often victims of domestic violence. Much of that, I would say, is in the fact that men won't report being beaten up by a woman, ever. It is an incredibly emasculating action, even moreso than the actual abuse. Violence toward men is severely underreported and downplayed, by the abused men themselves.

But is that enough to cover the discrepancy?

Another question: even if it doesn't cover the discrepancy, why does a larger incidence in violent behavior in women in relationships in general, as seen through the down-in-the-weeds studies on the first link, not correlate to larger ratio of male victimization?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Something from nothing: a future with neither patriarchy nor feminism

Men are rebelling. The pendulum will swing soon. What will be the new sexual balance?

It probably isn't going to be feminism - it has already shown itself to be self-destructive. Childless options equals lower birth rate, and any other culture with a higher birth rate will take over a feminist culture in a few decades, unless all the world was equally feminist. It is possible that "Western Culture" will dominate Latin, Arab, and Indian cultures and subject them to reproduction control. That just seems like a tall order.

It can't be old-fashioned, evolutionary driven couplings of convenience. Women's rights have all but put the old guard to bed. In spite of our fears (or hopes) of an Islamic (or other outsider) overtaking, Everyone throughout the world is still exposed to what women are allowed today. Even if women are controlled, they will no longer be ignorant. Women's rights was a Pandora's box, never again to be stuffed back in, for better or worse.

So what will the next generation look like? Everyone has a guess. Assuming that today's feminism cannot continue (either from being outbred, or from a debilitating backlash of MGTOW), and assuming that you cannot fill Pandora's box again, there will have to be some sort of balance we have not found yet.

Here's a couple of truisms that must be addressed.

1. Man's natural sexuality is not criminal. Getting aroused at a 17 year old should be no more criminal than getting aroused at an 18 year old. Getting aroused at a sexually mature woman of any age, especially young, is a male axiom. To draw a demarcation line at such an age is arbitrary and lazy. (Side note: does emancipation make an under-18 woman fair game?) On a lesser note, man's sexuality is not silly, or ridiculous. The eye-rolling a woman makes at a man who solicits her for sex should be her own opinion, not a mass opinion to be dictated to other men, or even other women.

2. Rape is not often clear cut. If rape is just unwanted sexual contact, how does that explain why women like to be coerced? How does it explain Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew? Why do women have rape fantasies? Just because there exists such a thing as true, criminal rape, why does that means a reasoned light cannot be shown on the gray areas? Also, why is there presently a gap between how women think a man should behave (beta), and what turns women on (alpha)? This incongruence must be applied to rape as well.

3. The new order, like the current order, cannot help but be unnatural. Humans are just complete freaks of nature - riding in cars, wearing clothes, keeping everyone alive as long as they can. It is a fact of being human - our technology (and that includes social experiments like civilization) rules us. However, every advancement is made to improve a condition. In spite of the ills of feminism, at least half of our population don't want women to lose their right to vote. So we can only move on. The next order will be just as artificial, but hopefully it will address the problems of today. I suggest reading the book What Technology Wants by Kevin Kelly for more information on how humanity and technology are not worker and tool, but almost brothers.

4. Humanity's needs will have to be addressed. The reason the human race continues is because we are biologically adapted to do so. There is and was not a "patriarchy" of the form feminists espouse - instead, it was a natural formation of men and women and their roles in keeping life going. If men took charge, then it was only a "patriarchy" by literal definition, not the loaded word that feminists bring to bear to demonstrate oppression. Even as point 3 says that it will be unnatural, I turn right around and say that point 4 says it needs to address natural concerns. It is true that technology may supersede these problems (artificial births, sexbots, utopian bliss), but we cannot assume it.

In the end, I do think that there is a greater than zero chance that absolute regression to the old ways could happen - the sexual market might do the equivalent of your diet "going paleo". But I do know, even if such a things were to be enacted by some fearsome "backwards" sect out-breeding the western world, it would be done with the knowledge of what feminism did - perhaps as a cautionary tale.

Friday, May 6, 2011

The regrets of the childless, and overpopulation thoughts

An article by a woman named Mandy Appleyard displays deep regret and hurt at not having kids.

I know, for example, that not being a mother means there is a part of me which remains unused, a love that will be forever unexpressed. I know that what any mother describes as the most profound love she has ever known is, to me, a locked door — there is so much love I will never be able to give, wisdom and understanding I cannot share, shelter and solace I cannot provide.

In my lifetime of feminine upbringing and control, I have seldom seriously heard this opinion expressed in media. It has always been the professional, career women who lash out at such backwards thoughts versus the heartland's attitudes, more expressed at family reunions than in a newspaper. To hear this from a British woman in the Daily Mail blog is stunning.

An aside about overpopulation - feminism locks arms with scientific observations in saying that the planet is overpopulated. The Anglo world is shrinking and being overtaken by "mass producers". The rabid promotion of birth control and childlessness does not help the problem, but only destroys the local population, while other populations take over. To address the problem, the world as one must take each step. It doesn't matter how enlightened the Western world is, or how proud we can feel about lowering our teenage pregnancy rate, if the rest of the world does not follow along. (The short answer is, affluence lowers the birth rate. Promote the global economy, help your neighbors out.)

Even though I am a man, being 38 and never married does play upon me, some. I want children. I want that good old fashioned marriage (with a few new-fangled kinks) with 2.5 children and a white picket fence. So there's hope for the thirty-something women out there, because WE are out there. Others have expressed better than I the reason women think there are no good men out there, though I may write a post on it at some point.

To read this woman's article gives me hope that more women will come forward and realize that something is very wrong. I feel sorry for her, but I feel hope that these regrets will come to light. They are not to be swept under the rug. It is far better to address our problems in a straightforward manner.

Good for Mandy, and my deepest condolences to her as well.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Swiped from do-not-marry.com

Here's a succinct, numbered list on man things. I am not sure how much I would have believed or understood only one or two years ago - but understanding game makes me understand this post more. 

Anyway, this post was from "Lee Raconteur" on the do-not-marry.com forums. Kudos to him, or whomever wrote it.

Advice from An Old Man To A Young Man

1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral.

2. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause. It's stupid.

3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self-actualized.

4. Get in a fistfight at least once as a young man, even if you are going to lose. Know when to fight and when to back off. The lesson will be invaluable.

5. If you join the military, chances are you will risk getting your self killed to secure other people’s economic or political interests. Only fight to secure your own economic or political interests.

See the above rule number 4.

6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what they tell you. People will spend most of their lives trying to convince you that you should do what is best for them. Don't let them.

7. Don’t take offered advice without a critical analysis. Most advice is intended to benefit the giver, not the recipient.

8. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people anything.

9. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men who come after you when you are older. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most powerful force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.

10. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, Human Resources, the government, NGO's, the UN, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.

11. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at Silicon Valley. By and large, it was not old men or women that created the Tech revolution. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with intellectual property laws, and then takes the credit and the rewards where none is due.

12. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.

13. Don’t be afraid to tell people off when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece even if your voice shakes.

14. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to be observant, read body language and non-verbal communication signs. Play poker in person. Learn to read other people. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational, business or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife having sex with somebody else. Learn how to tell when another person is a liar, a criminal, dangerous, a con artist, a sociopath, a psychopath, a narcissist, a physical threat to you, drunk, on drugs or driving under the influence.

15. Keep fit. Exercise. Eat right. Avoid fast food, sugar and high fructose corn syrup.

16. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her side.

17. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don't rub her nose in it. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. The 50 mile rule - do it more than 50 miles from home/work. Gamble close to home, cheat far from home. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t do it where you work. Don’t crap in your own back yard.

18. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

19. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time with no benefit to you. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re are having sex with someone else.

19a. Don't have an 'Office Spouse' - just...don't.

20. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship with her. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else. See Rule 19 above.

21. Have and nurture friendships with women, but see Rules 19 and 20.

22. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.

23. Don’t be an Internet troll. Get out and live your life. There are not thousands of beautiful women advertising anywhere to have no strings attached sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise and won't, for the most part, advertise online. Ever. The websites that advertise with attractive womens' photos and claims of their loneliness are nonsense. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you.

The posts on dating sites by attractive, hot, thin, young “women” seeking no strings attached sex, and asking for a picture, are just a bunch of (often male) troll pic collectors, porn site advertisements or gay men. There are women on some dating sites. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30's or older. Most are divorced or single mothers. Most are overweight. Most are average looking at best.

24. When you become a Man in Full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive-aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.

25. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.

26. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those guys who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs; or has a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger; or has a bookshelf full of books but never read. Live the life you claim to live.

27. Don’t believe the crap about "The Patriarchy" and that "Women are Oppressed!". More women are accepted to and attend college than men. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women out live men by 6 years. More men commit suicide. More men die at work. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a very very few homeless women. Statistically, women are happier than men.

The myth that girls are being cheated by our educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by, administrated by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting screwed over, and prescribed Ritalin just for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. 80% of all jobs lost in the Great Recession were lost by men. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

A response in the Spearhead comments section

(a response from me about how game is incorrect and can lead to wrong actions.)

@Common Monster
Disagreeing with some aspects of game is fine, if you think that a better theory could replace those aspects. But it doesn’t seem to me like tossing out game is the answer.
Take physics. Newtonian physics did not get thrown out when Quantum Physics was discovered. It was more like Newtonian Physics was a subset within the larger set of Quantum Physics, to be used in specific situations.
Similarly, I find that game works in specific situations, and the areas where it doesn’t work doesn’t necessarily negate game, or even the rule that was being addressed. It’s just that game isn’t comprehensive enough. In order for game to be understandable and learnable, it has to be digestable, chopped into into little pieces. There’s a broader spectrum of men’s issues that long-timers will learn, of which game is only a subset.
So yes, gamers might be wrong in a given situation, but in the context of it, they only have to look at the situation more broadly, not react to game in black or white thinking.